09-16-2016, 08:53 AM
Selki,
Firstly, this is a well written background with very little of the Mary Sue flags we usually see. She is not an orphan (beyond being a self-imposed one), she is not over average height or has any mysterious elements in her background. She’s just a happy fluffy pup who likes to play in the forest and roll around in the grass.
My only issue is that there’s nothing here that says ‘Aukate’. This profile could go on any roleplay site. Aukate is Hawaiian based, what kind of nuts and berries would she forage in Hawaii? If she’s from another island, what would she forage from there? What island is she from? Why would she join the Overlord? How did she hear about the Overlord and the lair?
This is good, but it needs to be tweaked to fit Aukate a bit better.
If it helps, here is the post that goes into the different islands: https://forum.overlordcomic.com/showthread.php?tid=1043 I wouldn’t recommend being from June as it is mostly populated by Dinosaurs, July as it is a harsh desert with mostly mythical animals, or December as it is a cold tundra that mostly hosts jails and asylums and luddites.
I am happy to answer any questions you might have to help. I do like the character, we just need to adjust things a little to fit the world better.
Firstly, this is a well written background with very little of the Mary Sue flags we usually see. She is not an orphan (beyond being a self-imposed one), she is not over average height or has any mysterious elements in her background. She’s just a happy fluffy pup who likes to play in the forest and roll around in the grass.
My only issue is that there’s nothing here that says ‘Aukate’. This profile could go on any roleplay site. Aukate is Hawaiian based, what kind of nuts and berries would she forage in Hawaii? If she’s from another island, what would she forage from there? What island is she from? Why would she join the Overlord? How did she hear about the Overlord and the lair?
This is good, but it needs to be tweaked to fit Aukate a bit better.
If it helps, here is the post that goes into the different islands: https://forum.overlordcomic.com/showthread.php?tid=1043 I wouldn’t recommend being from June as it is mostly populated by Dinosaurs, July as it is a harsh desert with mostly mythical animals, or December as it is a cold tundra that mostly hosts jails and asylums and luddites.
I am happy to answer any questions you might have to help. I do like the character, we just need to adjust things a little to fit the world better.